Dear Ferber

You suck. However, today, on the fourth day of using your techniques for naptime, Tristan stopped crying and fell asleep approximately 4 seconds after I left his bedroom. Keep in mind that neither Josey nor Roanen could fall asleep without someone touching them until well after their second birthdays. I'm liking you right now, but you still suck.

Well Hello!

I've been seriously delinquent in my blogging lately, so much so that I've probably lost my readers, all 2 of you. To make up for it I've glued the older boys to the TV and left Tristan screaming on the floor in order to treat you to "Our Summer...In Photos!":

The summer started off with Roanen's eyes getting more and more wonky, to the point that a lot of the time he would close one eye when looking at something.


This always made me feel guilty. But not guilty enough that I couldn't take pictures.

While we waited for the surgery date, Josey started playing in the local soccer league. He started out very enthusiastic, but chasing after ball-hogging 6 year olds got old after the first few lessons. He finally ended up spending soccer nights picking grass and eating clover flowers when he wasn't rolling into the fetal position in the back of the net. The coach also found soccer a little tiring so he only showed up about 3 times. Way to teach dedication, Coach!


I'll stand here in front of the net, but only because you're giving me a freezie when this is all over.

Roanen got his first real haircut and went from baby to boy. Sob.


Big boys don't smile Mommy.

Fortunately Roanen's surgery was scheduled for early in the summer so we could (hopefully) get his eyes straightened out. He was happy playing with the toys at CHEO until he was made to put on some of the cutest pyjamas imaginable.


Or is it that he's the cutest pyjama-ed child imaginable?

Either way, he was unimpressed with the whole situation and proceeded to lie in the middle of the corridor and refuse to participate in any of the fun waiting room activities. That is, until he got some funky sedative that is evidently equivalent to a few beers.


Hey Mommy. This is waaaaay funny. If only I could sit up without falling over...

Despite being told that Roanen would be perfectly fine after the surgery he was pretty cranky. And also not very pretty to look at.


You'd be cranky too if you had stitches in your eyes.

A week later we had a real emergency.

And the next day we headed down to Niagara Falls. We had a great time on the Maid of the Mist boat.



Picked up some souvenirs...



And went to Marineland, which turned out to be a lot of fun for Josey:


For me too:


Look at the size of that caramel apple! Refrain from looking at my pasty pale legs, my hideous running shoes and the fact that my eyes always look messed up in pictures.

But evidently not so much for Roanen:


Daddy looks impressed too.

Note to people travelling to Niagara Falls with kids - the Imperial Hotel and Suites (I can't seem to find the link right now) is a super inexpensive, super nice place to stay. It's right near the main tourist street and within walking distance to the falls. The suites have separate bedroom and living areas, mini fridges and microwaves so you can bring a lot of your own food if you're like us and don't like torturing restaurants and their employees and customers with your children's presence. And did I mention cheap? Like 80 bucks per night cheap. It rocked. Don't pay any attention to the horrible reviews on the review websites (although do read them because they're hilarious).

Back to us.

Just a couple of weeks after we returned home Grammie and Grampa decided to take the boys on a little vacation. So I invited myself and Tristan along, because I'm like that. We drove down to Toronto to spend the day at Canada's Wonderland. At the hotel Roanen made friends with a very bold dove who invited himself to breakfast.


The bird ate mostly scrambled eggs. How very, very creepy.

Roanen loved Wonderland almost as much as Marineland.



A $5 bag of tiny donuts made it all better though.

Then the holiday fun was all over. But not for long! Russ found an ingenious way to get out of having to work that involved chicken poop, kerosene, and the old oil tank we use as a burn barrel. Sneaky, and oh so graphic.


That's only one leg. The other one, as well as both arms, his fingers, and a bit of his face got it too. He was dead sexy, I tell ya.

I got to take care of the chickens, the kids, and Russ for two weeks which was pretty stressful, but for the following two weeks Russ was up and able to do pretty much anything except go to work so it felt like holidays all over. Unpaid holidays, but holidays nonetheless.

Now that he's back at work, the boys and I are back in our (lack of) routine and trying to enjoy the rest of the summer before September hits and I have to send my baby to school, something that I'm alternately dreading and looking forward to. While I'm not as freaked out as I used to be, it's still going to be traumatic.

In other (pictureless) news, Tristan is crawling! Actually I meant to post that 4 months ago. Nowadays he's taking 6 steps at a time and coming very close to not needing to cling to my legs constantly.

And finally, the reason I haven't been blogging lately is because I felt like my plate just wasn't full enough and signed up for a 2 year distance education program in natural nutrition. So my "not studying" guilt has been stronger than my "not blogging" guilt and I've been hitting the books instead of regaling you with tales of my existence. And right now my "Tristan is yawning and exhausted and the boys are trying to murder each other" guilt is taking over so I'll sign off for the next 2 years or so. But not really so keep checking :P

No, I'm Still Not Sleeping.

So much has happened in the saga of sleep since the last time I blogged about Tristan, yet I'm pretty much at the same place I was then, and possibly even more sleep deprived. That being said, it's 10:37 PM and I'm choosing to blog rather than go to bed so YOU HAVEN'T BROKEN ME YET, SLEEPLESS CHILD. Ahem.
I decided to go with the Baby Whisperer once again, but instead of doing the "pick-up/put-down" technique, it was more of a "put-down" because he was at the age where picking him up constantly would distract more than comfort. He got his bedtime feed, then he was cut off from feeding for at least 8 hours. This is where I deviated from the Baby Whisperer because, according to her, at his age he should be able to go 12 hours without a feed. On the first night his growling stomach after 8 hours told me otherwise. Although it was necessary to feed him in the middle of the nights, usually at about 3 AM, I think this is what ended up keeping the plan from being totally effective. He would settle with just being put down when he stood up in anywhere from 8 minutes to two hours, and was sleeping longer stretches overall. He even managed a couple of 7 hour stretches, although they were at the beginning of the night so I didn't get the same 7 hours of sleep unfortunately. The problem ended up being that after I gave him his feed in the middle of the night he would start getting up every hour to eat and/or be very wakeful. A couple of weeks ago a combination of things began to throw us off track even more. First of all, my exhausted body began tricking my mind in the middle of the night into believing that he should most definitely be coming into our bed to be fed at midnight. I distinctly remember feeling that this was a rational act, despite Russ asking me what the hell I thought I was doing. Then teething hit. His four upper front teeth have been sloooooowly and evidently very painfully making their way down for a couple of weeks and he's totally miserable about it. This combined with the crazy heat wave of last week (and therefore his increased thirst and my decreased desire to have a sweaty screaming child hanging off me) had me feeding him every time he woke up crying. And that brings us to now. His teeth still aren't totally out and he's cranky about it off and on. He's gotten used to being fed every time he wakes up, so now he's sleeping about a 3 hour stretch at the beginning of the night, then waking about every hour and a half or two hours thereafter. I usually bring him into our bed after the fourth or so waking. My overall attitude has been ok about it, but I've definitely been super grouchy during the day when I got woken up a lot the previous night or when the boys all decided that 5 AM is a good time to wake up (oh my children, you just wait until you're sleepy teenagers and I decide that 5 AM is a good time for you to wake up).
And now the new plan! (Because I'm so good at being consistent with this sleep training thing) Next week we're going down to Niagara Falls and Marineland for 3 days, so there's no point in starting anything before then. I'll just have to suffer through the next 7 days and make Russ get up with them in the morning so I can sleep in. Right. Once we're settled back at home I'm going to do the regular bedtime routine, then before I go to bed I'll give him a dream feed at 10 or 11. This will top him up so I won't have to feed him in the middle of the night (when he wakes up himself) or feel guilty about starving him. When he's sleeping right through (note my naive optimism) I'll boost his daytime food a little more and start giving him the dream feed earlier each night until it's cut right out.
And this will definitely definitely definitely work and we'll all live happily (not sleepily) ever after.
The End.



"What are you talking about Mommy? I wouldn't keep you from sleeping!"

Crying It Out

In the past couple of weeks I've started to compose a blog in my head about crying it out and each time I've gotten so angry and emotional that I had to stop before my head exploded. The catalyst was the visit from our therapist and home worker where we discussed the "treatment" for our "troubled" family.

My biggest worry was for Roanen. The impression I got from previous visits was that we were basically going to lock him in his room and let him cry until he passed out, so I was relieved to hear that we were just to bring him back to his bed as soon as he came into our room. Relieved, that is, and slightly annoyed that Russ eagerly accepted this idea when they presented it, after I had presented it many times as common sense.

The girls then proudly presented their solution for Tristan's sleep issues. They had done a TON of research and talked to many people in their field and found the best way to deal with it. The answers were all in this MAGICAL BOOK written by someone extremely knowledgeable on the subject. The book? A very famous book by a certain doctor with a whole METHOD named after him: Ferber (can you hear the hate and disgust with which I type the name?). Um, apparently someone missed the memo about how I had a little problem with the cry-it-out method? Or else they sat around bored one day and said "You know what would be funny? Let's tell Lindsay that she has to let her kids scream for hours without comforting them. Let's take bets on whether she'll cry!" And you know what? I did. Or at least I visibly teared up, then I composed myself because the last thing I needed was for them to see me fall apart when they already think I'm guilt-ridden and ruining my kids with coddling. I went temporarily insane and agreed that it had to be done. We made up a plan in which we were to go to him when he cried, comfort for less than a minute without touching (?!..?!!?), then leave. We could go back at 5 minute intervals and he would eventually cry himself to sleep. He would be sleeping through the night within a week and a half. Yes it would be hard, but worth it in the end.

Once they left, reality set in. I looked through the photocopied pages they gave me that coldly stated that I was doing him an injustice by letting him use me as a comfort tool, and that it made children feel anxious and worried, not comforted, to co-sleep. I looked through The No-Cry Sleep Solution and reread the part that describes in heart-wrenching detail how a baby must feel when it's left to cry Then I looked at him and realized that as tired as I constantly am, as frustrated as I get when I have to nurse him for the sixth time in one night, and as angry as he makes me when he screams for hours at a time while alternately reaching for me and pushing me away, I couldn't do it. I couldn't listen to him get as hysterical as I know he would get and not comfort him, not even touch him. And despite being assured that doing this wouldn't cause any permanent emotional damage, how exactly do they know? When a baby begins sleeping through the night after crying it out is it really because they've learned to self-soothe, or is it because they've resigned themself to the fact that they're not deserving of comfort at night by the people who are supposed to love them unconditionally? As far as I was concerned, the end just wouldn't justify the means. I called the home worker the next day and told her I wasn't going to go through with it.

Since then, Tristan's sleeping habits have once again deteriorated. His longest stretch at night is 2-1/2 hours, but it's not uncommon for him to wake up 40 minutes after I finish nursing him. The past few nights I've brought him into our bed the fifth or sixth time he's woken up and when that happens he pretty much wants to nurse constantly. That being said, I still don't regret my decision. One of the things that I've gained with having another baby with sleep issues is perspective. I know that while things suck pretty badly right now I won't be having to nurse him 8 times a night a year from now, let alone for the rest of my life. Both the home worker and Russ gave me the look that says "isn't that nice that you're fooling yourself" along with a mental pat on the head when I told them that, but I'm not going to do something I'm completely against to please them when I'm the one who has to deal with feeling bad about it afterwards.
For now I don't really have a plan. The boys and I have been really sick for the past week so I'm too desperate for any kind of sleep to even think of a plan, much less act on one. My one extreme is to just deal with it until he's old enough to be sleep-trained like his brothers were. My other extreme, and the closest to crying it out I would ever do, is to stand by his crib and lie him down every time he stands up, comforting him with touch and my voice. And even that scares me a little bit. We'll see how much more of this I can take.

An Easter (Quasi-) Miracle

After months of 10+ wakeups per night, 10+ mini nursing sessions per night, much fussing, a seriously sore back (and boobs for that matter), and a bed that was no longer parents-only, I decided that I needed to seriously buckle down and attempt to sleep train Tristan. This past long weekend seemed perfect. I had four nights that were followed by days that either my parents or Russ were around to support me if I needed to pass out from exhaustion so I mentally and emotionally prepared myself for the torture ahead.
I chose to follow the Baby Whisperer's "Pick Up / Put Down" method, with a few adjustments. I really don't think Tristan is getting enough calories during the day to sustain him through a long period at night so I figured I'd feed him if I felt it had been long enough (and/or I was so freaking tired that I didn't have the energy to listen to him scream). I really wasn't expecting him to start sleeping through the night within a couple of days; my main goals were to get him to sleep without nursing, rocking or bouncing him, have him go a decent amount of time between nursing sessions, and keep him out of our bed. So far I'm fairly happy about our progress. Although I don't have set times for naps and bedtimes yet, I'm trying to put him down for his nap 2 hours after he wakes up from his previous wakeup time and he's been taking 5 or 20 minutes (yes, one or the other for some reason) to fall asleep. We sing a couple of songs, then I lay him down on his tummy (because I've always been an evil parent who puts children to sleep the wrong way). Usually he starts crying within a couple of minutes at which point I pick him up and hold him until he quiets down, starts pushing me away, or a couple of minutes of crying passes. Then I put him down and start all over. Three days ago he started rolling over in protest which annoyed the hell out of me and made me have to hold him straight, but thankfully he isn't doing it as much anymore. Now he likes me to shush really loud while holding my hand on his back. Whatever works.
He seems to be getting used to going to sleep this way, which is good because I used to hate taking forever to get him to sleep. He hasn't slept in our bed since last Thursday night and he usually goes 2 to 4 hours between wakeups during the night. I've been giving him a "dream feed" at 10 PM where I basically pull him out of the crib and feed him while he's still asleep. When it goes as planned, he sleeps 2-3 hours before the dream feed, goes down without a problem afterwards, then sleeps another 4 hours afterwards. I usually feed him at this point, but when he doesn't go a full 4 hours I'm in for a screaming fight to get him back to sleep. Now I know that I shouldn't be excited about getting 4 hours of sleep but after what I've been through it's freaking awesome. Hopefully things will continue to improve. If he starts to regress I may have to be a little stricter with making sure he eats enough during the day and not feeding him at night, but for now I'm pretty happy with how things are going. Just don't ask me about it after a night of him screaming angrily in my face for an hour.

The Trisser-Wisser

Yes, we do call him that. And no, when we decided to name him Tristan we did not think "Hey, Trisser Wisser would be a great nickname". His buddies in high school are going to love it. But I digress.

Tristan is 6 months old as of yesterday and I finally feel like time is really speeding up. I think it has to do somewhat with the fact that he's so much smaller than the other boys were at 6 months. Whereas Tristan weighs 15 lbs 1 oz, Roanen at this age was 17 lbs 1 oz. and Josey was 17 lbs. 5 oz. He looks so tiny in comparison and it's hard to believe I can give him solid food now. We started off today with some organic whole grain oatmeal cereal and he ate about 1-1/2 tablespoons without a problem. I didn't expect there to be any issues with eating though seeing as how I give birth to children with sleep problems, not food problems. While his daytime sleep has improved from a zillion 10-30 minute naps in the swing or in my arms to a couple of 30-60 minute naps and one 2-3 hour nap in his crib, his nighttime sleep has deteriorated from a 6 hour stretch at the beginning of the night to a 1-1/2 to 3 hour stretch. This is followed by a refusal to fall back to sleep in his own crib. When I bring him into bed with us lately he wakes up every half hour or so and needs to be not only nursed back to sleep, but switched to the other side every time. I tried the "pick-up/put-down" technique last weekend to get him down for his nap and he screamed for an hour before I gave up and nursed him to sleep. Even Roanen only took 45 minutes the first time I tried that. The annoying part is that when I hold him until he's asleep then put him down he often opens his eyes and looks around, then settles down and goes to sleep, which means that he's obviously comfortable in his crib and can put himself to sleep. That's evidently a key to getting babies to sleep through the night, so why are we having problems? I'm still stupidly hoping that he'll just start sleeping longer on his own. Ha!

Aside from the sleep issues, he's super happy most of the time. He's always smiling at everyone (although he's shy and gets upset if a stranger holds him) and everyone comments that he's so bright and alert. He still has his screamy moments, usually between dinner and bath, but he can be distracted fairly easily and he's also been fantastic in the van. I honestly don't remember the last time he cried in his car seat and it's such a treat after the way Roanen freaked in vehicles. Definitely much easier on the nerves. He's really grabby and leans waaaaay out of his bumbo when he's trying to reach for things so we have to watch him really closely because he's fallen out a couple of times. He vocalizes a lot and yesterday he started making "ba" sounds. Oh, and he's really ticklish, especially on his inner thighs and armpits. I can even make him laugh in the middle of a screaming fit by tickling his armpits. Because I like screwing with his emotions like that.

Happy 6 months Trisser!


Look, Ma! I found the best parts!