Here's the story:
When I got pregnant with Josey I weighed a very normal and acceptable 125 pounds. I wasn't thrilled with my level of tone and was definitely not in even remotely good cardiovascular condition, but I found myself physically tolerable - for me. I gained 16 pounds during the pregnancy, and my weight ended up as low as 109 pounds while I was breasfeeding. I was pretty skeletal and gross looking, with only a tiny bit of extra skin around my belly to show that I'd been pregnant. I was 115 pounds when I got pregnant with Roanen, and this time I gained 25 pounds, and went back down to around 115 pounds afterwards, looking pretty much the same as before. Then came Tristan. I gained an amount somewhere between the first two pregancies, but having my second and third so close together, combined with my really bad eating habits ("the baby NEEDS me to have ice cream every night!") really messed up my body - FOR ME.
(Has anyone noticed the bold yet? That's my disclaimer, because I know you're all thinking WAH WAH, sucks to be you, and you have to understand that it's about how I perceive myself and not what anyone else thinks. I am allowed to be unhappy about the way I look because my standards for myself are super high and I don't want to look "good for a mother of three". I want to look amazing, period. So shut up.)
Anyway, now that no one is reading anymore, I will continue. I am completely disgusted with the way I look right now. I'm back to 125 pounds, which is a fine weight, but my proportions and my tone are totally whacko. After Josey and Roanen, the last thing to return to normal was my hips. I couldn't fit into my regular pants for about 4 weeks give or take, but eventually it happened. This time my hips barely moved afterwards, which isn't such a bad thing on it's own, but my stomach turned to flabby mush and somehow any weight I had in my face, shoulders and neck slipped down into my belly and thighs. My wardrobe, which used to consist of tight shirts and teeny jeans, has turned into two pairs of pants (my maternity jeans and a pair of khakis that fit through more than half of my pregnancy), a maternity/breastfeeding tanktop with a maternity zip-up sweater, and two long, baggy at the waist breastfeeding shirts. NOTHING ELSE FITS. It SUCKS and I'm miserable about it. While I've finally given in and bought larger clothes, I've also decided that I'm going to start doing something about it. This thought was only partly motivated by the fact that my dad poked me in the belly today like I was the Pillsbury Doughboy and commented that I must be "relaxed". (No I am not mad or upset about it, in fact he's the only person that is honest enough to tell me - in that subtle way - that I don't look as good as I used to.) The problem is it's freezing and snowy outside, and I have a baby attached at the boob, which is not conducive to the things I want to start doing, like running and yoga or pilates. For now I'm just going to make a couple of changes so I can ease into the whole process (because I have a tendency to go all out, then burn out).
First, I'm going to start drinking more water. I'm horrible at keeping hydrated and I often go from morning to evening without peeing. Not good normally, but particularly bad when breastfeeding. So I'm going to get some kind of yummy little chocolate thingies and reward myself with one for every 16 oz of water I drink, because I always need a reward. I'm going to aim for 3 litres a day while I'm breastfeeding.
Next, I'm going to stop eating after dinner. I've gotten into the habit of having a bowl of ice cream or a bunch of cookies almost every evening and I'm sure it's not helping the cause.
Finally, I'm going to incorporate some kind of physical activity into my day. When I'm stuck inside it's going to have to be something like going up and down the stairs a million times, but if I can muster up the motivation I'll strap the baby to myself, get the kids suited up (groan) and go outside, where I'll walk up and down the driveway (which I'll have to do anyway to keep Tristan from freaking while in the wrap).
If you're totally disgusted with me, head over to Proud To Be A Fit Mom . She explains the reasons for a "skinny" mom wanting to look good way better (and less offensively) than I do.
Now the fun part. I took some basic measurements today as a starting point so I can monitor my progress:
Upper Thighs (my newest problem area): 22"
Hips: 38 1/4"
I didn't bother with my bust measurement since that changes hourly :) I also got Russ to take pictures of me in a bikini which I will post once I upload them. And when I stop hyperventilating about it.