Monday, April 02, 2007

Waiting for Karma to Strike

It occurred to me last night that Russ and I are getting an awful lot of bad news about people we know or are related to. Failed and failing marriages, businesses going under, people dying or getting cancer or other illnesses, kids getting diagnosed with diseases and learning disabilities - you name it. At the same time here we are still pretty happily married with two healthy happy kids, a new house that we love, enough of an income that we're very comfortable and that I can stay at home with the boys, and pretty good health ourselves. I'm in the middle of reading Deepak Chopra's The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success and it's talking a lot about karma and how you have to give to receive, etc. I've always believed in that kind of thing, but kind of thought that I was somewhere in the middle - not putting out enough evilness to get randomly smucked by a car, but not really putting out enough goodness to deserve anything back. Now all of a sudden I realize that I'm getting all this really good stuff in my life and that I've somehow thrown off the karmic balance. My first panicked reaction is "Must send happy thoughts to people! Must help the needy! Must find that War Amps donation card that I tossed out yesterday!" Of course this all totally defeats the purpose of doing all this giving out of love since it's totally out of fear that something horrible is going to happen because I haven't been appreciating what I have. Despite the fact that I was planning on becoming a nicer, more non-judgemental person before, now the motivation is totally wrong and I feel like the universe is going to KNOW that I didn't just help that bratty kid use the scissors out of the goodness of my heart, but out of the terrified-that-something-bad-is-going-to-happen-to-my-kids part of my heart. So now I'm in a spiritual dilemma. Aren't you just supposed to know when you're doing the right thing?
On a lighter note, Josey is back to getting his lower half wrapped in a plastic bag whenever he pees himself because he's decided that a toilet really isn't necessary when you can just pee wherever you are. At first it was a novelty and he really enjoyed his "baker's apron", but after he peed himself a second time (because apparently once the bag is on you might as well just pee yourself because you're already wet and being punished) he hid for a while, then emerged wearing only the top half of his clothes. When I made him put them back on he finally got quite upset and really wanted to be changed. Says it won't happen again. I'll choose to believe him, hopeful as I am.
He's also becoming quite the artist and likes drawing people - a circle for the head with eyes (including pupils), nose, mouth, arms with fingers, legs with feet, hair, and sometimes eyelashes ("pointy things"), ears, or glasses. The other moms at Toybus were quite impressed, as their 4 year olds were still only drawing or painting lines. I guess he'll be a famous artist instead of a doctor. A while back he was extremely interested in bodies and how they worked. He would sit and flip through my really graphic medical book and ask all kinds of questions about it. Now all of a sudden he's violently repulsed by anything bloody and can't stand anyone poking at cuts or splinters (their own or his). This morning he disgustedly told me to take down the bleached buck skull and antlers Russ hung above one of the barn doors and "put that deer's skin and fur back on". Now I really can't wait until he has a loose tooth.
Roanen is actually using his imagination, which is something that I didn't think happened until kids were around 2 or older. He pretends to feed me with his toy spoons, picks pretend food off the tv and eats it with me, and pretends to put cream on his face and body. It's just the genius in him I guess. Being as smart as he is, he should have no trouble with toilet training this summer. Ha.

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